Who is Téa?

I am Téa /tɛ'iə/ (she/her). You might have known me as Mathew (he/him), but I've long-since discovered that that's not me. Through years of careful thought, experimentation, and introspection, I have realized that I am a woman at heart; my heart consistently works in that direction and it causes me pain to deny it.

How long have you known?

I discovered this about myself between late 2020 and early 2021. I can trace evidence of these feelings all the way back to my childhood. I like to think that my mind knew something was amiss as soon as my body started to betray it. Since then, it's been a recurring thought for me. It seems as though it's here to stay; denying it hurts and suppressing it makes it come back stronger. Accepting it makes me happy and relieves a lot of stress, so that's what I've chosen to do.

How do you know?

Allow me to ask: how do you know what you are? More importantly, what on you can I measure scientifically to know without a doubt what you feel that you are? At present? Nothing. It's an internal experience. Something within me tells me that I am a woman just as something within you tells you that you are your gender. The difference between me and a cisgender person is that I don't feel like the gender typically associated with the way my body grew or with my gender presumed at birth. There are many reasons that it might have happened that way. Gender is extremely complex. The science behind it, however, is beyond the scope of this document. If you decide to research this yourself, please limit your research to published, peer-reviewed studies to avoid opinions and bias.

What's next for you?

So far, transitioning has had an extremely positive impact on my life. I am happier and I feel more myself than ever before because of it. It will continue to have an effect on me and I will continue to change as a result. As I become more confident in my identity, I will change my presentation to fit my identity. You will begin to see me for how I want to be seen. I may speak in a more feminine-sounding voice. I intend to keep any other medical plans, if I make any, to myself.

Otherwise? I'm still me, just happier and with shiny new labels.

What do you need from me?

All I ask is for your support and affirmation. I am holding firm on this decision; I am not changing my mind. Please respect my identity and don't contest it. This is my right.

If you don't know how to be supportive, here are some pointers:

• Please use my preferred name and pronouns when referring to me. I may hold you accountable for this because being misnamed and misgendered literally hurts.
• If you want to affirm my appearance, compliment my choices, not my body. Presenting differently is scary and I'm going to need some encouragement.
• Advocate for me. Don't let people be rude or hurtful if you can help it. Don't support ideas that harm the lives or reputations of trans people. Unfortunately, by being trans, I am at risk of violence and I want to be able to feel safe as my true self. My existence is a political point for some people and that fact scares me.
• See Trans Equality's guide on being a good ally for more tips.

Lastly, treat me like a woman. More importantly, treat me with dignity and respect, as is my right as a human.